Texas

Well, we are back. I had a great time in Florida, and had the chance to meet brothers, and sisters in Christ that have forever impacted my life. I will be posting more now that I am home. The last few months have been quite the adventure, and I will reflect on them soon, but I wanted everyone in Florida to know we love them and will be praying for them. I wanted everyone in Texas to know we are home, and look forward to fellowship with them with Christ being our central focus.

Press on

I think often about the hardships of this life, the woes of this body, and worries of finance. I think I feel better now, without a "job" then I did when I was striving to get ahead, whatever that means. I mean, I worry about what we will eat, and how we are going to pay rent, but I am working toward the goal now, that I should have always been working toward, and that is, a home not made with hands, and a life that reflects my Lord while I am here. I still see areas where we could streamline somethings in our life, and get by on less, but more than that, what I really see is how sinful I am, and my need for repentance, in my life. I am not saying we should all quit our jobs, but in this season I have greater time reflect on my wickedness. It is hard to go from Lost, to saved, to comfortable, to convicted, to repentant, to striving for a holier life, I must say I have seen guys try it, and they looked like they were being legalistic, and I do not want that, and I know we must fellowship. I would love to live in a cave, but that is not what we are told to do. We are to be a light, and to be salt. I must pray that, by the Holy Spirit, I may walk in a way worthy of our King, and battle against the sin that rages within, and urging those that we fellowship with to do the same. No time for rest on this front, no time at all. Sin is ever present in this weak vessel of flesh.

Head First

I wonder when they threw the disciples out of a city if it was head first?

We had a meeting with the pastor of the First Baptist Church in Plant City, and one of the deacons, which owns a building downtown that is up for rent. It was to be a formality on the way to finalizing the rental agreement, but once we got into the meeting we soon realized that they were going to deny our request to rent this building. The reason was they wanted us to succeed, and they didn't think that was possible for us to do if we were so close to the "Biggest Church in town" why we would just be "in their shadow", and they wouldn't want that to "damage our chance of being successful".

The Problem is this, they measure success the same way the world does, and we measure it, not by numbers, but by growth in the lives of those in which the Lord brings us to teach, and Shepard.

Kingdom on earth building is a cancer that has swept our "Churches", and I pray that we will repent from such nonsense, and realize that it is the Lord that builds His Church, and If we are five blocks away, or ten miles away, there are many , many Lost, and many Christians that will not go to a Church like that. The fact is I know many people that will not go into one of these mega complex Churches, for the simple fact that they are not willing to deal with the plastic smiles (to their face), and dirty looks (behind their backs).

It was my turn to preach Sunday, I feel that the Lord was very merciful. We had about twenty five there, and I had Acts 1:12-26 for my text to teach on. I felt the Lord was leading me to bring out the fact that Judas was an unconverted man, and that was why he was able to betray Christ, also the prophecies about him had to be fulfilled. It is a huge honor to be called to preach, I am still amazed that God would even save, let alone call me to preach this glorious gospel.

Oh God, You, who know the hearts of all men, Thank You for Fellowship we have in Christ. Thank You for calling us out of the darkness, and into Your marvelous light. Where we have fellowship not only with the King of all Glory, but you have decreed it to be, that we may also share in fellowship with believers here on earth. I am overwhelmed by your mercy toward us. Tonight, I reflected on the past few weeks, and my heart is bursting with praise. You Lord, only You, could create such a rich bond so quickly. To Love, Brothers in Christ, as though we have had a lifetime to bond, when in fact it has been hours. This is something I have always been taken by. In the past it has had this same impact, but I have never had a chance to express it. I remember late nights in Keller, very late, where it felt like the world stood still for us, as we spoke of the King with such passion, and fire. Then again times like tonight, where we meet families that share the same Spirit, and it is like we have been friends forever. Never wanting to leave, because we enjoy the time together so much. I praise You Lord, for without You, we would never know Love. We would never have this commonality, or share the bond, of Christ that holds all things together. Only through Christ are we adopted into this family. I long for the day, when we can lift our voices with one accord, in praise to the only one worthy. All Hail King Jesus, The Lamb that was Slain.

I am ashamed by my behavior, my lack of trust, and my lack of faith, in the past week. I have realized this, only because God is merciful, and wants me to see my error. He could have allowed me to drown in despair, but rather He deemed it necessary to show me my weakness, and grant me repentance. I have no strength of my own, it is only through Christ that I can do anything. My faith comes from Him, and my repentance is from Him as well. There are those that will say "it is up to you to repent, then God forgives" I doubt they understand the power of God very well. It is God that grants forgiveness, and repentance, as a gift to man. They will say "yes, but you do not have to accept it" my dear friend. Try to deny the next breath that God gives you, as a gift. If God gives you the gift you can not but accept it. It is not a matter of want to, but rather it is a matter of necessity. God has granted me repentance, for my pathetic sulking, and my lack of faith. He not only has done this He has also provided for me, so that I will give Him the glory , and dare not try to claim some glory for myself. He is truly my provider, He has proven Himself faithful, when I have doubted. Oh God, that you be given all the praise from my mouth, is my one desire. And I know that even this desire is wrought only from your works.

Help my unbelief.

Well, the fears of not providing for my family are starting to creep into my mind almost momentarily now. I have only been here a week and a half, but my faith seems to already be wavering. The battle has begun. I find myself questioning the move, and the doors that were opened by God seem somehow to have been my own desires now.

I am like a child that has so many questions, and does not like the answers given. Is it my time to suffer? Am I to be taught the reality of God's provision by not having employment? Is this to humble me?

I find myself at times drifting back, and forth. I wonder how long it will be until I realize that God really is all knowing, and He does all things right. I need a job, but I know that God will provide one in his timing. I laughed at the thought of coming out here in the first place, but when a job seemed to be waiting I jumped at the chance. Oh, how I feel like a fool. I am ashamed of my doubts, and yet there they are laughing at me. I long to be holy, yet I find myself laying in the filth. If it were not for the Christ I would have gone insane by now. So weak, and still pride finds a way to fill my heart. Cleanse me my God, and strenghten my feeble mind I pray.