Oh God, You, who know the hearts of all men, Thank You for Fellowship we have in Christ. Thank You for calling us out of the darkness, and into Your marvelous light. Where we have fellowship not only with the King of all Glory, but you have decreed it to be, that we may also share in fellowship with believers here on earth. I am overwhelmed by your mercy toward us. Tonight, I reflected on the past few weeks, and my heart is bursting with praise. You Lord, only You, could create such a rich bond so quickly. To Love, Brothers in Christ, as though we have had a lifetime to bond, when in fact it has been hours. This is something I have always been taken by. In the past it has had this same impact, but I have never had a chance to express it. I remember late nights in Keller, very late, where it felt like the world stood still for us, as we spoke of the King with such passion, and fire. Then again times like tonight, where we meet families that share the same Spirit, and it is like we have been friends forever. Never wanting to leave, because we enjoy the time together so much. I praise You Lord, for without You, we would never know Love. We would never have this commonality, or share the bond, of Christ that holds all things together. Only through Christ are we adopted into this family. I long for the day, when we can lift our voices with one accord, in praise to the only one worthy. All Hail King Jesus, The Lamb that was Slain.

I am ashamed by my behavior, my lack of trust, and my lack of faith, in the past week. I have realized this, only because God is merciful, and wants me to see my error. He could have allowed me to drown in despair, but rather He deemed it necessary to show me my weakness, and grant me repentance. I have no strength of my own, it is only through Christ that I can do anything. My faith comes from Him, and my repentance is from Him as well. There are those that will say "it is up to you to repent, then God forgives" I doubt they understand the power of God very well. It is God that grants forgiveness, and repentance, as a gift to man. They will say "yes, but you do not have to accept it" my dear friend. Try to deny the next breath that God gives you, as a gift. If God gives you the gift you can not but accept it. It is not a matter of want to, but rather it is a matter of necessity. God has granted me repentance, for my pathetic sulking, and my lack of faith. He not only has done this He has also provided for me, so that I will give Him the glory , and dare not try to claim some glory for myself. He is truly my provider, He has proven Himself faithful, when I have doubted. Oh God, that you be given all the praise from my mouth, is my one desire. And I know that even this desire is wrought only from your works.

Help my unbelief.

Well, the fears of not providing for my family are starting to creep into my mind almost momentarily now. I have only been here a week and a half, but my faith seems to already be wavering. The battle has begun. I find myself questioning the move, and the doors that were opened by God seem somehow to have been my own desires now.

I am like a child that has so many questions, and does not like the answers given. Is it my time to suffer? Am I to be taught the reality of God's provision by not having employment? Is this to humble me?

I find myself at times drifting back, and forth. I wonder how long it will be until I realize that God really is all knowing, and He does all things right. I need a job, but I know that God will provide one in his timing. I laughed at the thought of coming out here in the first place, but when a job seemed to be waiting I jumped at the chance. Oh, how I feel like a fool. I am ashamed of my doubts, and yet there they are laughing at me. I long to be holy, yet I find myself laying in the filth. If it were not for the Christ I would have gone insane by now. So weak, and still pride finds a way to fill my heart. Cleanse me my God, and strenghten my feeble mind I pray.

Today was the first service that we had as an official Church. I am encouraged to know that there are Brothers, and Sisters in Christ, praying for us as we try to give right honor to such a glorious King. The task seems to be impossible, and it really is. We are nothing to speak of in ourselves, and are by no means great Theologians, yet we do have one thing in common, and that is, we share a passion for the glory of God. We have been wanting to do this for several months, and have seen God do many great things to get us here. A dear Brother (in Texas) told me I should remember the zeal of this time, and how excited I was during our move leading up to now. He warned of the doubt that would come, and how hard it could be. I thank God for the wisdom He has given this Brother, and pray that someday I too can pass on something so precious to another. Today was full of mixed emotions, I was so excited, and felt so foolish all at the same time. I have doubts arising almost everyday, and conformations each day as well. I know without a doubt that I am here to learn from God, and I pray that it is enough just to know that He has me here for His glory.